Hobbits Wreak Havoc in Rivendell
by Forestsilver
Summary: Merry and Pippin are bored during their stay at Rivendell, so they go out to look for some excitement. In the process, they run over Gimli, lose Aragorn's sword and even drive the future king to the brink of suicide. Does this sound very interesting? R/R!
1. Chapter 1

"Merry," Pippin said, "I'm bored. Frodo is about to die or something, which I know even though no one bothered to tell us, and Sam is just sitting there like a lump of limestone."  
  
"Okay, what do you want to do?" asked Merry.  
  
"I dunno. Let's go wander around." Pippin and Merry tiptoed out of the room and ran down the corridor. They followed the pathway for some time until it reached the ground floor and they were right in front of the stables.  
  
"Hey Pip," Merry said, "let's go look at the pretty horses." They ran inside. There were some Elves in there stabling up their horses, but none of them paid attention to the hobbits. In fact, they didn't even notice them.  
  
"I hate being short," Merry remarked as they walked past a very tall (actually all the Elves were very tall to him) and blond Elf who was brushing down a really big horse (or so it seemed to him).  
  
The Elf looked up from his horse and looked all around, but he didn't see anything. Then he heard a call: "Down here, mister Elf." He looked down and to his surprise saw two short little people.  
  
"Children!" he exclaimed. He picked one up with each hand and held them at eye level. "How delightful! I love children."  
  
"We're not children," Merry said indignantly. "We're hobbits."  
  
"All of you mortals are children to me," the elf laughed.  
  
"Yeah," Merry whispered to Pippin, "but he wouldn't pick up Strider and Boromir and call them children, would he?"  
  
Meanwhile Pippin was looking around. "Mister Elf," he said, "Can we sit on your horse?"  
  
"Of course," he said. "But stop calling me Mister Elf. My name is Legolas." He set Pippin on the horse and Merry behind him. Pippin giggled and bounced up and down happily. The horse snorted impatiently.  
  
"Don't do that Pippin," Merry whispered. "You might make it mad."  
  
"It's okay," Legolas replied. "He won't buck or run. He's very well behaved." The horse slowly stepped out of the stable and walked around the pavilion. "Will you two watch him for just a minute? I have to tell Elrond that I'm here."  
  
"Sure," Merry said. "We'll be good as gold." Legolas left and the hobbits looked at each other. "Move up Pippin," Merry said. "I'm about to fall off the back." He pushed his cousin a little.  
  
"Don't push me," Pippin mumbled, but he scooted forward on the horse. Merry moved up a bit and asked for more room. Pippin purposely leaned backward. "I can't scoot up any more, or I'll fall off the horse."  
  
"Don't be daft Pip, you can't fall off the horse. The head's in the way." And Merry shoved Pippin, a little harder this time.  
  
Pippin grabbed at the horse's back. "Stop it, I'm going to fall off," he cried, wildly flailing his arms and legs in an attempt to stay on. One of his feet connected with the horse's face, and although Legolas's beast was a good-natured creature, this was a bit much.  
  
He reared back on his hind legs and then, trying to get the little things off, tossed his head back and forth. Unfortunately, this only caused Pippin to grab tightly onto his mane, and Merry to grab the sides of the horse.  
  
Whinnying in exasperation, it took off, running out of the pavilion at breakneck speed. When Pippin finally felt brave enough to open his eyes, he saw, despite the wind rushing in his face, one rider still on the road in front of him. One short, bearded, already-uneasy-at-the-prospect-of-getting- on-a-horse rider named Gimli.  
  
"Watch out!" Pippin yelled at the top of his lungs. The dwarf looked up. He yelled at the top of his lungs and tried to turn his horse aside, but only succeeded in making it rear up in fright.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Legolas and Elrohir walked out to the stables. "Hey," Legolas said, frowning. "Where's my horse? And where are those short, child-like little people?"  
  
"You mean the hobbits?" Elrohir asked.  
  
"Hobbits. yeah, that was what they called themselves. So where are they?"  
  
"You mean, when you told father someone was watching your horse, you forgot to tell him they were HOBBITS?" Elrohir screamed the last word.  
  
Legolas looked slightly put out. "Well, I didn't think it really mattered. I mean, sure, they were small, but there were two of them."  
  
"Two of them. Very good, Legolas. And if they had not been two of the most mischievous, young, irresponsible hobbits Father has ever laid eyes on, your horse might have been safe with about ten of them!" Elrohir muttered with his teeth clenched. "Your horse could be anywhere."  
  
"What." Legolas said.  
  
"These Mirkwood Elves," Elrohir muttered to himself. Out loud he said, "think, Legolas. Two short, childish people walk up to you for the first time and you leave them with your horse?"  
  
"I didn't say childish, I said child-like," Legolas protested. "So now what do we do?"  
  
"We? You, I should say, would be well advised to go look for your horse. Now. Father would be a bit upset if anyone GOT KILLED." Elrohir rolled his eyes and went back to tell Elrond what had just happened, leaving Legolas to stand there looking quite puzzled and unsure of himself.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
A/N: Right... well, what do you think? 


	2. Chapter 2

Legolas gulped as he looked at the scene of the collision. The dwarf was lying on the ground beneath his horse. Legolas's horse was nowhere to be seen. Neither were the hobbits.  
  
An acorn fell from the tree branches above him and knocked Legolas on the head. He looked up.  
  
Merry and Pippin were hanging from branches near the top of the tree. "Mister Legolas," Merry cried. "Could you please come and get us out of here?"  
  
Legolas sighed and jumped up in the air, catching hold of one of the middle branches. He stood on it and unhooked Pippin, and dropped him down to a not so soft landing on the grass. Merry was next, although he fared better. He landed on Pippin.  
  
"Mister Legolas," Pippin said, looking up into the tree, "are you mad at us or something?" He was answered by a groan from above, followed by a terrible sound behind him. Pippin spun around. From beneath an unconscious horse, a bloodshot eye glared at him.  
  
It looked all around before catching sight of Legolas jumping down from the tree. "An elf. An elf and some little children. I hate Elves," the dwarf grumbled. "And children," he added as an afterthought.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
"Oh come on, Gandalf. It's not like we actually hurt anyone," Pippin beseeched. Gimli snorted in derision at that (having one arm in a sling and his head wrapped in bandages) but remained silent. Gandalf still stood over them, a really tall and really scary figure.  
  
"And he was the one who let us ride his horse," Merry said, pointing at Legolas, who was peeking in the door. The blond head vanished.  
  
"I am quite aware of that, Mr. Brandybuck. He will get his due later," Gandalf said. "And as for the two of you-" here he paused dramatically- "go to your rooms and stay there for the rest of the day. I am very disappointed in you."  
  
"What about supper?" Pippin asked.  
  
"What about it?" Gandalf said with an evil grin. He walked out of the room, followed by Elrond and Gimli. In the background they could hear the hobbits protesting: "What? But we'll starve. We'll waste away to nothing!"  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Merry was lying on his bed, eyes closed, when he felt some plaster fall on his face. Opening one eye, he saw Pippin peering at him through a space in the ceiling.  
  
"Oh, you're awake," he said. "Catch this." He threw down the missing ceiling tile, which hit Merry in the stomach. "Move, Merry! I have to get in."  
  
Merry moved. He looked a bit uneasily at Pippin, who landed on his bed with a thud. "Don't you think we've gotten into enough trouble today?"  
  
"Oh, stop being a Sam," Pippin said breezily. "Elrond wasn't really mad at us, remember?"  
  
"But Gandalf was," Merry reminded him.  
  
Pippin frowned. "Oh yeah, too bad. We won't do anything incriminating this time, I promise." Merry rolled his eyes, but followed Pippin into the ceiling duct (Which they reached by bouncing on the bed).  
  
"Where are we going?" Merry whispered. Pippin didn't answer. He was staring down through a crack in the ceiling. Merry shoved him aside and looked. It was either Arwen or Strider's room, and although the hobbits were making quite a bit of noise, it was all right. They were a bit. preoccupied.  
  
Merry rolled his eyes and crawled on. When he looked back, Pippin was still watching. "Come ON, Pip," he said impatiently. "You can see that some other time."  
  
"When?" Pippin asked, but he sighed and followed Merry. "We're not going to be allowed in the dining hall, if I know Gandalf. But."  
  
"But what?"  
  
Pippin grinned. "This crawl space goes to the outer walls. We can sneak out and find something to eat." He held up a pack of matches.  
  
The hobbits managed to get out of the building and away from it before anyone saw them. They wandered around for a bit in the surrounding woods, looking for a sparrow to roast, perhaps, or a rabbit to catch. Merry was getting cold and hungry and a bit fed up at Pippin, and he was about to suggest they turned back, when he caught sight of something that suddenly cheered him up.  
  
Mushrooms! Pippin saw them at about the same time, and they rushed up to pick some of the delectable things. Pippin made a fire and they cooked the mushrooms by spearing them on sticks and holding them over the fire.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Later that afternoon, they wandered back into the house at Rivendell with some more of the delightful vegetables with them. Pippin was a bit tired and wanted to go to bed, but Merry felt wide-awake. He suggested they go exploring.  
  
After a few minutes, they found themselves in a deserted chamber. The hobbits went over every inch of it, and they found many interesting things. They were about to leave the room when Pippin noticed a stone ledge.  
  
He got Merry to lift him up to see. "Hey," Pippin said, "it's some broken pieces of steel." They switched places and Merry looked.  
  
"No it's not," Merry said. "It's a sword." He reached for one of the old rusty pieces and cut himself. "Ow!" The piece dropped to the floor.  
  
Pippin bent down to inspect it. "Wow," he said, "you're right. Now why didn't I see that?" Merry didn't answer. "Well," he continued, "I bet this isn't the first time this has hurt someone. Look, there's dried blood on one of the edges."  
  
"Hey," Merry said, "I have an idea. Since this is a dangerous object, and it can't be used for anything, let's hide it away so no one else gets hurt! That would be doing a good deed."  
  
Pippin stared at him. "Really? I could use some of those. Okay, let's go!" They gingerly took the broken sword and carried it away.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
"Where do we put it?" Pippin asked.  
  
Merry thought hard for a minute. "I know," he said finally, "let's bury it. Like pirates."  
  
Pippin stared at him. "Really? I've always wanted to be a pirate."  
  
Merry grinned. "I knew it was a good idea."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
A/N: What do you think? R/R! 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: I know I have not uploaded for weeks. sorry but I think this'll be my last story anyway. no time  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
A few days later Merry and Pippin were walking along the halls of Rivendell when they heard Legolas talking. It was the first time they saw him since the "incident" so they went to greet him.  
  
Legolas was talking to man who was very big and carried a round sort of shield on his back. The two were laughing together. Merry and Pippin walked up to them, but neither noticed. Finally Pippin stepped hard on Legolas's foot.  
  
"Ow." Legolas looked down and saw the hobbits. "Oh. It's you people again."  
  
"Hi Mister Legolas," Pippin said. "We haven't seen you for a long time."  
  
"What about me?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Hi Mister Boromir," the hobbits chimed.  
  
Boromir looked at Legolas. "Do they do that to everyone?"  
  
"Only tall people."  
  
"Why were you laughing?" Merry asked. At that Legolas smirked.  
  
"Well, it's really not that funny, but." He grinned. "Oh, why not. See Arwen has to go on a little errand for her father, and Aragorn is behaving like a heartbroken fool, just because he'll have to postpone his romancing until she gets back."  
  
Boromir rolled his eyes. "Well, I best be off now. Nice meeting you children." He sauntered off.  
  
"Everyone calls us children," Merry said gloomily. "It's so depressing."  
  
"Aw, don't be sad," Legolas said. He thought for a moment and then said, "I have an idea. Do you want to do something funny to Aragorn?"  
  
"Yeah!" "What could we do?"  
  
"Um." There was a long silence. "Oh, I know. How about we pretend to Aragorn that Arwen is in love with me instead of him?"  
  
Merry looked at Legolas suspiciously, but Pippin grinned and said, "Sure! How?"  
  
"Arwen will probably write letters to him all during her two day trip, if I know her. We can intercept the letters and replace them with others that are not so. truthful."  
  
"As long as no one gets hurt," Merry finally decided.  
  
"Of course not. It's just a joke."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
That evening, after Arwen had left, Legolas sneaked into Arwen's room while Merry and Pippin kept watch. He rummaged carefully among her belongings, looking for a sample of her handwriting. After that, he realized that he had to make the letter smell like Arwen, seeing how that Aragorn would probably notice if it didn't.  
  
Legolas looked around before his eyes landed on Arwen's closet. He opened it and sniffed his way around the different clothes, closing his eyes with a smile. That distinctive fragrance. He found a good cloak, red and bordered with lace and jewels, and wrapped it around himself. Then he found a nice hair ornament. That would do. Now for the stationery.  
  
Glorfindel was standing in the doorway. And the hobbits were no where to be seen.  
  
"Cross-dressing, are we, Legolas?" Glorfindel commented.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
"Do you suppose Mister Legolas will be angry at us for leaving him?"  
  
"I hope not. That elf was awfully big, though."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
"Ah. ah. um." Legolas stuttered.  
  
Glorfindel smirked. "This is hardly the first incident, Legolas."  
  
"It's not what you think, really. Not this."  
  
"Not this time? Sure, Legolas. But next time, go for the blue dress. Red really isn't your best color."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~  
  
The next day, after Legolas had yelled at them proper, Merry and Pippin went off to deliver the letter. Its specific contents shall be left unsaid.  
  
They put the letter on Aragorn's bed and then went up the ceiling, where Legolas was already waiting for them. Only a few minutes later Aragorn walked in and, seeing the letter, raced to it and tore the envelope open.  
  
"After all the time you spent making the letters," Merry said disapprovingly to Legolas.  
  
"Hush. The best part should be coming right up."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
The valley vibrated with a despairing cry. 


	4. Chapter 4

Legolas giggled. "Wow. I didn't know he could get that loud. I mean, even the time he caught me sneaking pictures of Arwe- I mean, some girl- he didn't yell so much."  
  
"What's he doing?" Merry asked as they watched Aragorn run out of the room. "Pip, go see what Strider is doing."  
  
Pippin slipped out of the ceiling and came back within five minutes. "He's yelling that he's going to go get his sword and kill Mister Legolas."  
  
Legolas turned pale. "Oh great. Now I've got this deranged ranger- king-whatever after me."  
  
"You could have just said Boromir and you wouldn't be in this mess," Merry said sagely.  
  
"I guess I'll go hide or something... either that or get my knife."  
  
At that moment they heard another shriek pierce the valley. "I can't find my sword!" Aragorn was yelling.  
  
"Hey Pip," Merry said, "do you suppose that broken sword we found belonged to Strider?"  
  
"You have Aragorn's sword?" Legolas asked urgently.  
  
"No... we put it... um... Pip, when did we put the sword?"  
  
"The one we were playing pirates with?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"I dunno. I thought you had it."  
  
"No. I gave it to you."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Legolas looked at the hobbits very seriously. "You two lost Aragorn's sword?"  
  
"Um..." "Ah..."  
  
"Wonderful. So apparently you two don't know that Aragorn has a very special, intimate relationship with his sword. And he goes to check on it quite often. I can't believe he doesn't know yet."  
  
Merry and Pippin looked at each other. "You mean, intimate like with Arwen?" Pippin asked. Merry slapped him.  
  
Legolas had a strange, pained look on his face as he replied. "No... not an intimate relationship like with Arwen. That's a physical intimate relationship. I was talking about a mental relationship."  
  
"You mean he thinks like a sword?"  
  
"Pip?"  
  
"Yes Merry?"  
  
"Shuttup."  
  
"Yes Merry."  
  
Legolas left the two of them in the ceiling above Aragorn's room and went to go look around. What he found both amused and horrified him...  
  
Aragorn was running around looking for his sword as a crowd of onlooking Elves watched curiously. Fortunately for him, the man did not see Legolas, nor could he find his sword. Legolas breathed a sigh of relief and turned to go hide until the situation had quite calmed down.  
  
"Hey, Aragorn!" a voice called from behind him. Legolas looked around and down, to see Gimli next to him yelling. "Legolas is right here!" he said.  
  
Legolas made a sort of strangled-gasping sound and tried to muffle the dwarf, but it was too late. The dwarf threw up his axe, and the approaching Ranger caught it nicely.  
  
There was obviously only one thing to do. Legolas shrieked and ran off, with Aragorn at his heels. In the distance, he could hear Gimli shouting, "That's for sending a pair of riding hobbits after me!"  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Legolas followed a zigzagging path, trying to shake off Aragorn. It was no use. Finally, the elf made one last desperate leap and landed in the branches of an old oak tree that was right above a waterfall.  
  
Aragorn got to the base of the tree and wildly started hacking at it with the axe, while Legolas hung on for dear life. Suddenly, the man threw down the axe and started weeping wildly.  
  
"What's he doing?" a voice asked from above Legolas. The Elf looked up to see Merry and Pippin in the branches above him.  
  
"How in the world did you two get up here?"  
  
"We hobbits have our ways," Pippin said. "Now, I'll ask again. What's he doing?"  
  
"I think he needs a shrink," Merry commented.  
  
"Yeah, sure," Legolas said. "If we get out of this alive, I'll take him to see Elrond or something."  
  
The branches above him rustled. Merry and Pippin were coming down. "We're going to try to talk to him," Pippin said.  
  
"No!" Legolas exclaimed. He was genuinely fond of the silly little hobbits. "You'll get killed." He grabbed hold of their arms.  
  
"Let go," Merry said. "We know what we're doing. Sam gets like this sometimes."  
  
From below, they could hear the strains of a voice.  
  
"I'll kill myself!"  
  
"No I won't."  
  
"But Arwen doesn't love me anymore!"  
  
"I don't care."  
  
"I do!"  
  
"Oh fine. Go at it then."  
  
"Give me the axe."  
  
"Oh no!" Legolas said. "If he keeps on it like this, Gondor will have Boromir as a king!"  
  
"Then let us down," Pippin said. He knocked Legolas off the branch and continued down.  
  
Now, ordinarily, Legolas would have no problem in getting back on. At the moment, however, he was confronted by a suicidal king, two bothersome hobbits, and a whole lot of guilt. Therefore, he didn't catch hold of the next branch.  
  
He fell, landing nicely on Aragorn and knocking the axe out of the man's grasp. And knocking the two of them off the base of the tree and into the waterfall.  
  
Merry and Pippin watched as the two disappeared behind a cloud of water. "Oh Pip," Merry said, "now look what you've done." 


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Hello again, everyone who reviews! This is all for you!  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Elrond smiled as he walked out onto the porch. It was such a beautiful day and he was in a good mood. Frodo had wakened earlier, and he was looking forward to the feast that would surely be held that evening. The elf lord relaxed to the sound of birds prancing through the forest, leaves cavorting on the rocks, and the screaming waterfalls.  
  
Screaming waterfalls?  
  
Elrond sat straight up and listened. Yes... through the spray and crash of water he could faintly hear a glurgling scream- make that two glurgling screams. They stopped within seconds, however, and Elrond shrugged and went back to his meditating.  
  
Presently, Frodo and Sam strolled out. They paused to look at Elrond, suspended by... tie-dyed suspenders from the balcony railing.  
  
"Mister Elrond?" Sam asked tentatively.  
  
"What?" Elrond snapped out of his reverie to find the hobbit looking at him curiously. "Oh." He flipped onto the balcony. "How are you doing, Frodo?"  
  
Frodo had his head cocked, listening to something in the distance. "Um. Mister Elrond, I think I hear something."  
  
Elrond listened. "You're right. What is it?"  
  
"Oh... I know. It's Merry and Pippin."  
  
"Those two fool hobbits? What are they up to now?'  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
"Mister Legolas!" Pippin yelled into the waterfall. "Please don't die! You won't get to see Arwen again."  
  
Merry regarded him somewhat pensively. "You know, Pip, sometimes you're rather intuitive." He grimaced. "And don't forget that Elrond would kill us if we hurt his son-in-law."  
  
"Oh. Mister Legolas!" Pippin called again. "Please don't die, and please rescue Strider while you're at it! Mister Elrond would kill us if you didn't!"  
  
"Pip?"  
  
"Merry?"  
  
"I don't think that's going to work."  
  
"Oh." Pippin pouted. "Well, it's worth a try."  
  
"Fine. Just be careful that no one hears us, or we're dead."  
  
"I know, I know. I'm not stupid."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Legolas was dimly aware of floating... floating, until abruptly he bumped into a sandbar. He sat up, and started to cough out water and sand and... pebbles. Gross. Legolas waited until the spinning in his head stopped, and opened his eyes.  
  
He was at the edge of a shallow pool, connected to a river that was very close to a waterfall. Legolas gulped. Now he remembered... something about falling off a waterfall with Aragorn...  
  
Aragorn! Where was Aragorn? Legolas stood up and looked around frantically. There was no one in sight.  
  
"Oh, no," Legolas muttered to himself. "What do you want to bet that I killed off Isildur's heir? Oh great... Dad always said I was clumsy. Oh, where is he? I don't care if he's dead or alive, but where is he?"  
  
On cue, a body floated, face-down, into view. Legolas bounded over and turned the body on its back. Yup. Aragorn.  
  
"Oh... I didn't mean that... no, oh great, he's dead... *I'm* dead... he's dead... *I'm* dead..."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Elrond, Frodo and Sam went to investigate the noise. After climbing past a few rapids and floundering streams, they reached the spot where Pippin was sitting in the tree looking down at the waterfall thoughtfully and Merry was pacing.  
  
When Pippin saw Frodo, he cried in relief, "Frodo! You're awake! You've got to help us. Legolas and Strider fell off the waterfall and we have to get them back before Mister Elrond notices!"  
  
Frodo sighed. "Use your eyes, Pippin." Pippin looked around and saw Elrond staring at him incredulously.  
  
"Oh. Ah... hello, ah, Mister Elrond."  
  
"YOU LED MY SON TO FALL OFF A WATERFALL?!"  
  
"Ah... we didn't actually do-"  
  
"Don't be stupid. Aragorn could not have fallen off a waterfall all on his own."  
  
"He didn't," Merry interjected. "Legolas sort of... helped him."  
  
"Legolas." Elrond fumed. "I see. That little... little... argh! He's an elven disgrace! Just wait until I speak to his father!"  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Legolas gulped and vigorously thumped Aragorn on the back. "Come on, now. Don't die on me... please? Please?"  
  
Aragorn coughed out a stream of muddy water and blinked.  
  
"Yes!" Legolas cheered. He leapt up and did a little dance. Therefore dropping Aragorn's head. The Ranger fell back again, knocking his head on a sharp rock.  
  
Legolas slapped himself on the head. "Not again! Come on, Aragorn..."  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Elrond whistled impatiently, and a little bluebird flew up to him.  
  
"Get Thranduril," Elrond said none too patiently. The bird chirped in curiosity. "I'll tell you later," Elrond replied testily. "Just... get that father of a fool over here now!" He sent the bird off with a wave of his hand.  
  
Presently, the hobbits noticed a dark mass flying towards them. As it came closer, they could see it was an elf, suspended in the air by multitudes of bluebirds, sparrows, hawks, cardinals... and pigeons.  
  
"Was this really important, Elrond?" the elf yelled. "I hear it's about Legolas."  
  
"Yes, it's about your dolt of a son Legolas."  
  
"What's the matter now?" he called as the birds let go all at once and he fell ungracefully to the ground. "I was just having my tea and crumpets."  
  
"To hell with your tea and crumpets!" Elrond fumed. "Your IDIOT son killed MY son by pushing him off a WATERFALL!"  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
A/N: This is really drawing to a close. Just a few more chapters... and what will happen when Legolas takes Aragorn back? 


	6. Last Chapter!

Thranduril sighed as he looked at his rather annoying young son. "Legolas", he said, "have you any idea how much this is going to cost me?"  
  
"Cost him?" Frodo whispered to Elrond.  
  
"Of course. Thranduril's always having to pick up the legal bills for Legolas."  
  
"Ah."  
  
"Father..." Legolas's mind raced as he tried to think of a way to make this really bad situation a little better. "Um, ah- wait! I know! We can donate him to the Middle Earth Museum of Natural History! They can stuff him and make a nice display!"  
  
"Legolas-"  
  
"What? Or, um, we could preserve him in amber! You know, like the bugs from the prehistoric era!"  
  
"Legolas!"  
  
"Or we can make collectible baseballs! Instead of putting a single string from a famous baseball, we can put one of his hairs or something."  
  
"LEGOLAS!"  
  
"Father?"  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Meanwhile, sensing that their turn for punishment would come soon, Merry and Pippin had wandered away from the havoc. They made their way onto the main road out of Rivendell.  
  
"Well, Merry, what do you say? Should we get back to the Shire for a while, until this all blows over?" Pippin was already dreaming of food, some nice fresh weed, and the pretty girls down at the pubs.  
  
Before Merry could reply, the hobbits heard a clop-clop-clop sounding on the road. They immediately dived into some bushes. Soon the figure came into view- Arwen.  
  
She was about to ride into the gates when the horse stopped by the hobbits' hiding place, sensing something was wrong. Arwen frowned and leapt down from the horse. She looked around, but there was nothing unusual to be seen (Hobbits are good at hiding, you know). On a hunch, she pulled out a sugar cookie from the basket she was holding and waved it back and forth a few times. Pippin gave a small squeak. In an instant, Arwen was upon them. She lifted Merry and Pippin out and placed them on her horse.  
  
"What are the two of you doing out here?" she asked suspiciously. Merry shook his head in alarm, but Pippin was already saying, "oh, Mister Legolas is in trouble because he accidentally-" Merry clapped a hand over his friend's mouth.  
  
"What?" Sensing trouble, Arwen took the horse by the reins and led them into Rivendell.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Elrond watched as the elves laid Aragorn onto a funeral pyre. All the folk of Rivendell were present, including Gimli, who was sobbing into a handkerchief in remorse, and Boromir, who couldn't quite suppress the huge grin on his face.  
  
Elrond sighed once again as he thought of his daughter. What the heck was he supposed to say to Arwen? It didn't help that it had been Legolas that killed him. Where was Legolas anyway? He peered around the crowds. The elf was nowhere to be seen.  
  
Suddenly a great whispering filled the plaza. Elrond turned. Arwen was stalking in with a hobbit on each arm. Legolas was running after her in desperation.  
  
"Please, my sweet, don't go! There's nothing to be done, really, and I don't want you-"  
  
"Get off of me, you leech!" Arwen screeched. Legolas pouted and melted away into the crowd.  
  
Arwen rushed up to Elrond. "It's not really true, is it, Daddy?" Elrond nodded regretfully. Arwen burst into tears and rushed away. Most of the congregation followed after her. Others, after watching Elrond run after his daughter, departed tactfully.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
In the deserted courtyard, Merry, Pippin, Sam and Frodo went over to look at Aragorn.  
  
"You've really done it this time," Sam commented.  
  
"Oh, be quiet!" Pippin said. "I bet you I can get him up again."  
  
"Really?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Sure," Pippin bragged, "just watch." He climbed on top of the pyre and thumped on Aragorn's chest vigorously. No response. He lifted open one of Aragorn's eyelids. Nothing.  
  
Undaunted, Pippin continued his poking and prodding as the other hobbits watched in alarm. "Get off of him," Sam advised, "or you'll kill him even more."  
  
Pippin returned to Aragorn's head and thumped it hard. "Strider! Come back!" He thumped again. "Strider! Arwen's back!" Thump. Thump.  
  
"Strider, wake up!" Frodo added. "Someone stole your sword!" Thump.  
  
"Strider!" Merry said, "wake up! Boromir is going to be king!" Thump. Thump.  
  
Pippin climbed on top of Aragorn and looked around. Peering into one of the windows, he exclaimed, "Strider, wake up! Legolas is making moves on Arwen!"  
  
An eyebrow twitched. Oblivious, the hobbits continued trying to resurrect Aragorn.  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~  
  
Later: Arwen sniffed as she plied heaps of flowers on Aragorn. Elrond, the hobbits, Legolas, Tranduril, Gimli, Boromir and all the elves were gathered respectively. Elrond patted his daughter's shoulder and peered at Boromir. Typical. He was already making plans for his new authority.  
  
The elven lord picked up a flaming torch and handed it to Arwen. "Would you like to do the honors, my dear?" he asked. Arwen shook her head and buried her face in his arm.  
  
Elrond shrugged and set fire to the azalea bloom on top of Aragorn's belt buckle. The fire grew to a nice little blaze, snapping merrily on top of the flowers.  
  
At Elrond's signal, Legolas set loose a flock of white mourning doves. The birds flew up into the sky, and away into the sun.  
  
All except for one. That one, obviously, had a bad wing. It flapped pitifully a few times before falling right onto the flowery blaze. Everyone gasped as the bird squawked and fluttered all around, trying to fly away and landing on Aragorn's face.  
  
Suddenly, an unearthly cry filled the air. Aragorn's hands brushed wildly at the dove flambeau on his face, and he leapt up off of the funeral pyre. He opened his eyes, only to find he was covered in flaming flowers.  
  
Arwen looked up. "HE'S ALIVE!" she cried. She raced over to Aragorn and engulfed him in a large and exuberant embrace, therefore smothering the fire that had been growing.  
  
Legolas grinned and poked Boromir. "Hey, steward-guy, you'd better take a look at this."  
  
"Huh?" Boromir snapped out of his daydreams to see Aragorn being beset by Arwen and the hobbits. "He's *alive*?" he asked with tremendous disappointment. Elrond turned and raised an eyebrow. "I mean, ah, he's alive! Yeah! He's alive!"  
  
Aragorn smiled happily, if somewhat confusedly. "Hello," he said to the hobbits. "Could someone please tell me why I seem to be covered in burnt flowers?"  
  
Merry and Pippin looked at each other in exultation. "He's forgotten!" Merry whispered. They did a little jig.  
  
"See?" Pippin told the other hobbits, "I just knew everything would turn out all right."  
  
THE END  
  
~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~ ~~ ~~~  
  
A/N: Wow! Done, at last. Thank you so much, everyone who reviews! That's the only reason I write these things.  
  
All done with this one. more time for other evil LotR stories (check them out! cough, cough). hahahahahaha. 


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